Life is a trip.  I think I finally figured out one thing that has been haunting me for years.  I think I finally conquered it.  I think I finally overcame it.  I think I can finally move one.  I had a breakthrough.  I am excited about the future...to an extent.  But it always seems like the devil cannot not let me enjoy it.  If it ain't one thing, it is a fricken another.   I have now reached a new crossroad.

My thumb is hurting.  I have a hangnail or something, so it makes it hard for me to get my typing on.  I guess I should be glad that I finally may have passed a test the Lord has given me.  But, geesh, LORD, can a brother get a rest before the next test comes along.  Isn't there a celebration period that I get to go through, or do I have to jump right back into studying?  Where is the summer of my life?  Where is my joy in the morning?  I never liked regular school, but life's school is a much harder.  The rewards are much more fulfilling, but the exams are much longer.  The results of failing are life-changing.  But, the good thing is...you can keep taking the same test over and over again until you pass.  Look at me.  I was on the last test for about 17 years.  The Lord...my teacher...is a gracious test giver.  But, that doesn't take away the fact that the tests are no joke. 

I'm rambling. 

I'm confused. 

My thumb hurts. 

I am waiting for the fast to officially end. 

I am starting to get a little confused on stage, like I don't know what to say next.  The stage has been my safe house for years.  Though all my problems, through all my pain...through all my confusion...the stage has been the only place where I could go and be free.  The only place where I could be me.  I felt relaxed.  I felt calm.  I felt fun.  Hmmm...can you feel fun?  Well...I did.  It was so cool to be on stage.  Whenever I was on one, I felt protected.  I felt like it was home.  But, something has happened.  I am not me anymore on stage.    I am at a lost of words on stage.  I have lost confidence.  This is happening at a weird time in my life.  A lot of things are weird about my life right now.  Right after my fricken breakthrough...what is going on?

I kiinda wish I was going back to the old way I was living.  At least  then, I only was dealing with one major problem.  I cure that...and then a whole host of problems come barging through the door like they were just waiting for their turn.  My problems had been backed up and put on the back burner while I dealt with this other thing.  Now, it is taken care of and all of the other problems want a piece of me.  Everything wants it's equal time.  Geesh, I can't stand life sometimes. 

I am like...what is up, LORD?  Speak to me.  I am trying to obey you wholeheartedly.  I feel like I have done the things that you have asked of me...I mean lately...that is.  Have I?  Speak to me and I will do whatever you ask.  I will obey you like Moses.  I will follow you like David.  I will love you like Abraham.  I want to be your servant.  I want to feel your love whenever I take a breath.  I desire nothing but to please you, Lord.  I want to worship the everything of you.  Help Me, Jesus.  I need you.  The devil knows how much closer I have grown to you in the recent months.  He feels me leaving his stronghold on me.  He can tell that the chains that he has bound around me are loosening.  So, he has gone the extra mile to make my life miserable.  Help me.  Save me.

Thank you for my wife.  If she were not here, I think I would be a total train wreck right now.  She is my confidant.  She is my shoulder to cry on and my ear to listen to my pain.  Thank you for my daughter.  When I get to down, all I have to do is look into her eyes and see the smile that is tattooed on her face...and for that moment...everything is okay.  Thank you, Lord for them. 

Well, I have wasted enough of this day feeling down...lemme go and see what lessons I need to learn today so I can pass this latest test as soon as fricken possible.

Bless me indeed and enlarge my territory.  Keep your hands on me and keep me from my enemies so that Imay cause no pain.

Keep It Natural.