The devil is good.  I mean, he is really good.  GOD is better, waaaaaaaaay better, but I haven't seemed to get past the devil to fully see the glory of GOD.  The devil is good.  He has me believing that I am no good.  He has me thinking that just maybe I am inherently bad.  There is nothing I can do.  No matter how I try, I will never live up to the expectations of the HOLY ONE.  He has me believing that just maybe...maybe...I am not okay.  Everything is NOT gonna be alright.   I am not the nice person, that people think I am.  He has me thinking that it is all a facade.  I am nice to a point.  I am obedient to the LORD to a certain extent.  And I only do that for the blessings. 

Do I really love the Lord?  I mean, really, do I really love the Lord?  If I did...if I really did...would I allow my flesh to think the way it does?  Would I be walking in the flesh and not in the spirit?  I mean, come on!  I am so tired of failing.  Believe me.  I am tired of singing the sad song.  I am tired of crying to them on my long journeys to Los Angeles.  I just want to live right.  That is it.  I just want to be HOLY.  That is all.  Is that too much to ask?  Why can't I do this?  It is like the hardest thing in the world.  I am literally going insane trying to do this!!!    I just want to live wholeheartedly for the Lord.  I want to stop all this half hearted worship.  I want to praise HIM, like never before.  I want to experience a worship that is undeniable.  You won't be able to look deep into my praise and come to a conclusion that I am faking.  It won't be a worship for mere blessings.  It will be a worship of pure love.  I want to truly love the Lord.  If I truly love the Lord, I wouldn't do half the things I do.  If HE hates sin that much, why would I do that to a person that I love.  I have friends that I respect more than GOD, when I really think about it.  That is not right.  I need to put HIM above all things.  HELP ME LORD.  Am I innately evil?  My worship needs to change.

My war needs to change.  The way I fight my battles needs to be different.  I am not winning them.  And if you lose a certain amount of battles, there has to be a time in your life that you have to change your fighting techniques.  The old way isn't working.  I am getting beat up in the ring of life.  Something ain't right.  I need a new manager.  I need a new fighting coach.  I need a new style.  I need a new something.  I learned all of this in church yesterday.  I didn't come up with this on my own.  In order for me to become a PROMISED MAN in my PROMISED LAND, I need to change the way I worship and change the way I fight.  I want to wake up in the morning and write joy in my journal. 

In my bouts with depression, guilt, sadness, insecurity, anger, doubt, over consumption, lust, pride, greed, hate, laziness, temptation, envy, ...geesh, I have a lot of battles that I fight, my record is 10 and 1,346,674.  It seems like everyday, I have a new fight.  I am weary.  I am fighting a new enemy with an old technique.  I need to update it.  It is like I am fighting with Atari and he is using Playstation two.  One way to update it is to be mentally prepared.  I go into fights not ready.  I get sucker punched allll the time.  I get caught off guard.  I need to wake up mentally prepared to fight the good fight.  The night before, I should pray to wake up ready for battle.  Especially since I know, there is no doubt about it, that the devil is going to attack.  I might not know where or what time, but the devil is going to attack.  It is a guarantee!  I need to be prepared by staying in the word and keeping my mind right.  I shouldn't be surprised.

And another thing about my fighting skillz...other than the fact that they just plain need to get better.  I am a weak fighter.  People that really know me, know that I am not a good fighter.  I am sorta like a punk.  In elementary, I scarred everyone into thinking that I was the bomb fighter.  Man, if you called me "nigger", someone was about to get a beat down.  They were so scarred that I usually won.  Especially when there was a crowd around.  But, by High School, my gimmick wore out.  And folks knew that I was a fake.  So, that was the beginning of me avoiding fights any way possible.  

As an adult, I'm fighting different battles.  I am fighting a spiritual war and losing territory all over my body.  Yet, and still, I am still running away.  I am the one that is scarred.  The devil has me believing that I can never win.  It is like elementary and I called the devil "nigger".  What I need to change is my heart.  I have to believe in my heart that I can win.  No one wins a fight if they don't believe in their heart. I need to be mentally prepared as well as wholeheartedly committed to whipping the devil's (you know what!!!)

Unless GOD is going to kill me today,  I need to learn how to win.  I want to be a Promised man.  Or the consequences will be me living everyday in misery and guilt.  I am not sure how much longer I can live that way.  I need to stand up and fight.  I want my Promised Land.  Halleluyah.

Bless me indeed and enlarge my territory.  Keep your hands on me and keep me from my enemies so that I may cause no pain.  Halleluyah.    

Bless me indeed and enlarge my terttitory.  Keep your hands on me and keep me from my enemies so that I may cause no pain.

I might need to say that again...

B l e s s  m e  i n d e e d  a n d  e n l a r g e  m y  

t e r t t i t o r y.   K e e p  y o u r  h a n d s  o n  m e

a n d  k e e p  m e  f r o m  m y  e n e m i e s  s o

t h a t  I  m a y  c a u s e  n o  p a i n.

HALLELUYAH.

KEEP IT NATURAL!