Cowabunga! Wait a minute! Is “Cowabunga” a good thing? I need another word like that…that means not such a good thing. I have been trying to finish up this poem for days now and the ending is just not coming to me. I am not sure what it is. I hardly ever have this much trouble with my words and what I want to say. The Lord blesses me in that way. They just flow out of my brain and onto the computer screen and the next thing you know BAM…another masterpiece. Hahaha. Well, they all are masterpieces to me. But this last one…I don’t know what it is…but I can’t seem to get it the way I like. I had to stop writing right now and start journaling, cause I didn’t want to waste another free moment of time being stuck. I have to write. SOMETHING.
I waste so much time being upset. It makes me upset that I spend so much time being upset. And the things that make me happy, I don’t do enough. I love reading the Bible. It frees my mind and restores patience and love and kindness to my soul. I love the feeling I have after I read. It spills out of me and the next thing you know I am smiling and laughing with my friends and family like a normal person. But these times don’t often as much as I would like. You would think that I would read more.
I love writing. Just about the same feeling I get from reading the WORD, I get from releasing my mind onto the paper. Both give me a spiritual release. It seems like whenever I let it go on paper, I let it go in my life. My wife was laughing at me the other day when I told her I was going to write in my journal. She was like …”don’t go write cause then you are gonna say how sad you are.” This is sad, but true. Since I write to release, it seems I am only writing during my down times. Which are a lot…but it helps me. You would think that I would even do it more…
It’s 6:18 in the morning and my daughter was sleeping in the bed with me and kicking me in the head on a constant basis. So, I am up. Writing. Thinking. Crying inside. Wondering why. Praying about it. Worried that my wife is gonna read this and be worried about me. She is special. She really is. If I had her attitude, I would be okay. She worries a lot less than me. She is mad a lot less than me. She loves a lot MORE than me. I dream to be more like her. Except her crazy part…cause she is crazy. But “you take the good, you take the bad, you put it all together and you have the FACTS OF LIFE…ahh, remember that show? Some of you are probably too young to remember good shows. Hahaha. Now the TV world consists of fake reality.
Speaking of TV, ughhh. Yea, that is what I think when you mention TV. I remember the guy who plays my brother on my new sitcom that will be coming out soon told me that his wife doesn’t like when he is not working, cause he is miserable. I can so relate. I am totally miserable when I am not working. And maybe I should have added that to my list of things that refresh and renew me. WORK. Woa, not regular work. No, I’m lazy as a Billy goat. I am talking about the kind of work I love. ACTING. When I am not acting, I am a menace to my society. I am terrible. I can’t sleep, I can’t smile. I can’t laugh. I can’t eat…ahem…I take that back. I can eat. There is hardly ever a time when I CAN’T eat. But, basically, I am miserable. When he said that to me, I could totally relate. I don’t think many people understand that about actors. This is what we do. And if we aren’t doing what we LOVE to do…we are miserable. I need help with that. I guess I just need to shut up and read the Bible more…and write more…then I could laugh more…smile more…not be such a burden on my wife and kids more…love more…be more.
But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.
My workshops begin July 28th @ Da' Poetry Lounge
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