PART ONE

Before

This is what Poetry is for.  This is why I write.

In the dead of the night with pain filling up my

Body like the cancer that led to the death of my mother,

This is what my poetry is for.

For the nights that I laid in bed crying cause I ate too many donuts,

Or for the numerous times, I had bills but no money to pay them,

For the depression times in the early morning, 

The poetry came out humorous, so it might have been hard to feel the sting,

But it was that thing…the pain that caused me to write.

And the relief that I felt afterward…that is what my poetry is for.

Words cannot accurately explain emptiness, confusion, doubt, sadness. 

These were my peers.  These were people that were in my art form

And who I appreciated and respected.  These were poets. 

These were people that smiled in my face and gave me no indication

That they had a problem with me.  These were friends...or people that I called friend.

And at the same time, they were people that hardly knew me.

These were people that actually really thought that I would deliberately try to hurt them.

I guess that is where my ache stems from.

The agony that I have when I cause throbbing sorrow to someone else,

Torture that causes them to burst at the core with heartfelt emotion,

Yelling out in excruciating anger,

Is doubled even tripled when I am unaware of their grief.

It is even more disturbing when you don't know. 

I mean, even the devil knows that he is the devil. 

So, when people call him that, it is not an insult or he is not embarrassed about it. 

He knows what he is and proud of it, I might add. 

But, if I have learned anything, I have learned that no one really knows me here.

Cause I couldn’t cause that kind of misery on purpose.

It would eat me up inside like tape worms.

This is what my poetry is for.

Shocked, I have retreated the last few days to the place right under depression.

If you are looking for this devil, locate the furthest cave on the map. 

You will find me there with an endless supply of paper and pens to write,

French fries to eat and various weapons to kill myself, whenever I find the courage.    

A major part of this unhappiness is caused by my own ignorance.

How could I NOT know that so many people had so much beef with me? 

Not only am am I stupid, apparently, but I deaf, also. 

Surely, I would have heard something. 

Am I unapproachable?  Am I unreasonable?  Is it hard to talk to me? 

Apparently so...because some people had beef for years with me.

And I claim not to know.

Wow.  I am learning more about myself.  I’m evil.  I hate people.

I am only out for myself.  I thought you knew. 

I mean, this whole Christian thing is a facade. 

It was getting to hard to fake it. 

Well as other people finally told me who I really was the other night.

I broke down.  This kind of news can be a little disturbing, as you can imagine.

Like an idiot, I lashed back at another poet...almost ready to fight. 

There are so many things that I know I need to work on. 

So many things that I already know that I am NOT good at. 

The one thing that I thought I excelled in, 

The one thing that made me feel secure and good about myself. 

Whenever I was down, I knew one thing...when I got on stage,

I could make people smile, which in turn made me smile.  People liked me. 

It was revealed to me the other night that I am a fool. 

Those times when people were laughing...they were really laughing AT me. 

I am the joke.  Nothing more.

And this is what my poetry is for.

PART TWO

After

I jumped out of bed on Sunday morning eager to hear a word from GOD.

I sat in church listening intently, cause I know GOD hears what goes on in my house,

And HE had advice to give me, who can turn down advice from GOD, right?

I mean, this is what my poetry is for.

I am blessed.

When the Pastor stated that enemies will rise against me because of that,

I rose out of my seat, cause I knew he was talking to me.

I learned that when enemies come after me, I shouldn’t run in caves for hiding,

I shouldn’t feel sorry for myself and cry like I have no power.

But rather I should stand up and automatically assume that my enemies are in trouble.

If you mess with me, you are messing with GOD,

And I heard that your arms aren’t long enough to box with HIM,

I am walking around timid talking about how I would never hurt anyone intentionally,

If I keep following the path, and I know that I am living righteously,

and folks come after me, I have to know that they are the ones with the problem.

Why am I weeping about it?

Sure, you can chastise, single out, spread lies, and assassinate my character if you want to.

I should expect that!

Pastor said simply to me…expect this to happen.

Expect it like you expect the sun to rise in the morning.

Expect enemies like you expect your daughter to smile when she sees you.

Cause Jesus said something like,

“When you follow me, I am gonna bless you 36 and 100 hundred fold,

I am gonna bless you in this world and the world to come

I am gonna bring you great blessing…and with that great persecution…

We often leave that last part out.  We don’t want to hear that.

But the Lord said it, so it must be true, so what am I to do?

Get ready!!!  Be prepared!!!

I can’t fear them…if they knew better they would fear me…

If God be for me, who can be against me?

And I don’t mean to be running off scripture, but,

Church does that to me.  I walk into church and come out knowing that I have the victory.

I wish everyday were a Sunday, just to make it easier to battle demons the whole week. 

The Bible says “Greater is HE who is in me then he who is in the world”

The greater one is in me.  I need to walk in that spirit.

And by no means be terrorized by the enemy!

One day on a Friday night, I will remember without a doubt that there is no name greater than the name Jesus,

At the name of Jesus every knee will bow and every tongue will confess,

So when you pick a fight with me, you are really picking a fight with the best.

The one that came not to bring Peace but a sword

And He hasn’t lost a bout yet.

This is what my Poetry is for.

THE PILL.

By Poetri

I wish it were that easy. I wish I could take a pill to ease me.

One with no side effects, just one to cure the effects

That seem to affect every other part of my being.

I need a cure for selfishness.

I need a pill I can take twice a day during meal times

For six weeks, maybe nine.

I know I would end up taking it at night,

Cause I eat late and that’s not good,

But least I would have my pill to take!

Before long, six weeks would be up or maybe nine

And I would be fine, cured from being confined

And shackled to the chains of self.

I need to break free from me sometimes.

And think about HE all the time.

And then next up on the “think about” list should be my wife and kids.

Then maybe if there is any thinking about anything left,

I can go on and think a little bit about myself.

Yea, this sounds all Godly and perfect,

“Look at Poetri wanting to be less selfish, what a great man he is.”

But, before you pat me on the shoulder and give me the greatest person alive award,

I ain’t got the pill, yet, so right now, I am as selfish as you can get.

And I need help real quick like.

Instead of congratulations after you hear this poem,

Come up to me and tell me where I can get this pill from

And that is exactly what this guy did.

I got done reading this poem about how I needed this pill

and he told me that I wouldn’t get what I was looking for at the grocery store.

He couldn’t imagine it being sold in the frozen section

Stuck between the French fries and the boneless skinless chicken thighs.

Maybe a Whole Foods store or the Organic shop down the street, I said,

But, he said, I have to find a higher place to get this pill.

It would be more than just a supplement to cure my ills,

Once this self-centeredness thing went away,

A whole lot of other junk would go away.

So, in essence, it would be for selfishness,

But really cure a whole lot of other mess.

See, my ego I can’t seem to let go,

Follows me around closer than a shadow.

It is like a Cancer.  It gets in my body and makes every other part of me sick.

So, soon I’m not just treating the Cancer,

I’m treating the complications from Cancer.

My self-interest only disease is causing a whole lot of things

To be out of wack, not working properly.

Basically…I’m sick.  And Chemo or therapy ain’t gonna help it.

I need a special pill. I pleaded.

It could even be one of those big ole horse pills that are hard to swallow.

You would have to drink like a gallon of water and three cups of juice just to swallow it.

But it would work!  The best pill ever made!

Cause maybe there is another person out there that is thinking what I’m thinking.

They can’t seem to shake the “only thinking about me” syndrome.

Maybe they’ve tried everything in their own power to think of anything else,

But when the money is on the wood, all they can think about is themselves.

When the doo doo hits the fan, when the chips are down,

When there is one piece of chicken and no one in the house has eaten,

Ahem…sorry, I was hitting a little too close to home

I just don’t want to think about me all the time.

And this is the part.  He looked me dead in the eye, pointed at my heart and said

You already have the pill.  It’s inside you.

At first I thought he was crazy, cause I hadn’t taken any pills that day,

So how could it be inside of me.  Who is this guy?  I backed up slowly to walk away

Cause that is how I walk away from crazy folk.

He continued, “All you have to do is read these instructions located in this book.

And he gave me this thing called the Bible.

He told me a little bit about the Kingdom of GOD

And how all of this power is inside of me is just waiting to be used,

And how this book is the key unleash it.

I didn’t need a special pill. 

Everything that is special is right there inside of me,

Given to me before I was born from the halls of the Kingdom of GOD.

So, I sent my ego out on vacation.

Long enough for me to learn how to love and care

For other people’s pain and situations.

Ego came back, and I was like, “Yo, dawg?  Who are you?

Don’t think you are gonna walk in here and bring things back to the way they were.

I have a new pattern.  Yea, yea, I’m thinking of other folks first.

I know, crazy right.  You thought it would never happen.

I told my Ego all about the Kingdom.

Who was present and real in my life.

What if we went out and told the world about this cure?

And it would catch on.  And everyone would look for the the pill inside of them.

And it would be free like free healthcare.

Criminals would stop doing crime, cause it’s not about them anymore.

Politicians would stop lying, cause it’s not about winning.

Cats would love dogs and Simon Cowell will be nice to singers on American Idol.

All because of this power that has been placed inside of us.

That so many people don’t even know they have.

Call it want you want…pill or whatever…but don’t waste another day

without realizing and utilizing what is inside of you…

placed in you before you were even thought of.

The Kingdom of GOD is the cure for all of your ills.

SOMEDAY

By Poetri

Sometimes I think that maybe I missed some day,

cause it’s been pass seven days and

I know my some day hasn’t come, yet.

Cause every day I still find myself in the same rut.

I know that some day lies somewhere between today and tomorrow

Some day is that day that seems to not be far away,

yet far enough away to dream and fantasize about it. 

Some day I’m gonna have that 64 inch High Definition TV

With the dolby surround sound…and…and…and

Some day I am gonna have a house on the hill

Over looking the ocean, with my Maybach parked in the garage.

Cause some day, I am gonna be that

gigantic, tremendous super duper star!

But, it has been passed seven days since

the last some day and I know that it

falls right on the border of optimism and reality.

On the cross streets of Fact and fallacy 

It is caught between my imaginantion and my dreams

For what sometimes seems forever. Longer than seven days

But it is coming…you’ll see…some day.

Some day I won’t be hustling and bustling

I’ll be chilling with my kids on the ground wrestling

And then they are gonna ask me one day

when can they have their favorite toy.

And I will look at them and tell them, “Some day.”

And from that moment

on they will always be looking forward to some day.

Some day is a great cause it always gives us the will to wish

Forget about wishing on stars, I got my money on some day.

Courage and strength to continue the daily grind

cause things are gonna get better.

On some days things are always better.

Some day is coming,

It’s because you just don’t understand,

You see, right now some day is just caught somewhere between

where the ground ends and the sky begins.

Some day is on the freeway stuck between

two cars that are going no where.

Some day is on it’s way over here, it just go held up

between time and that second when time stood still. 

Some day is like the grass that is on the other side…

Someday, I’ll jump that fence and be sitting in greener grass

along with a clean slate and no more some days to look forward to.

What will I believe in then?

Some Day gives me hope.

I can’t wait for some day.

Cause some day I will be like regular folk.

Some day, my wife will walk again and my mom will have no pain.

Some day I will hold my head high and walk with no shame.

Some day I will be smiling cause some day finally came.

Selfish

I wish it were that easy. 

I wish I could take a pill to ease me.

One with no side effects, just one to cure the effects

That seem to affect every other part of my being.

I need a cure for selfishness. 

I need a pill I can take twice a day during meal times

For six weeks, maybe nine.

I know I would end up taking it at night,

Cause I eat late and that’s not good,

But least I would have my pill to take!

Before long six weeks would be up or maybe nine

And I would be fine, cured from being confined

And shackled to the chains of self.

I need to break free from me sometimes.

And think about HE all the time.

And then next up on the “think about” list should be my wife and kids.

Then maybe if there is any thinking about anything left,

I can go on and think a little bit about myself.

Yea, this sounds all Godly and perfect,

“Look at Poetri wanting to be less selfish, what a great man he is.”

But, before you pat me on the shoulder and give me the greatest person alive award,

I ain’t got the pill, yet, so right now, I am as selfish as you can get.

And I need help real quick like.

Instead of congratulations after you hear this poem,

Come up to me and tell me where I can get this pill from

I know it wouldn’t be sold in the regular grocery store.

I can’t imagine it being in the frozen section

Stuck between the French fries and the boneless skinless chicken thighs.

Maybe a Whole Foods store or the Organic shop down the street,

But it seems to me, I have to find a higher place to get this pill.

It would be more than a supplement to cure my ills,

Cause once this self-centeredness thing goes away,

A whole lot of other junk would go away.

So, in essence, it would be a pill for selfishness,

But really cure a whole lot of other mess.

And therefore relieving me from a whole lot of stress.

See, my ego that I can’t seem to let go,

Follows me around closer than a shadow.

It is like a Cancer.  It gets in your body and makes every other part of you sick.

So, soon you are not just treating the Cancer,

You are treating the complications from Cancer.

My self-interest only disease is causing a whole lot of things

To be out of wack, not working properly.

Basically…I’m sick.  And Chemo or therapy ain’t gonna help it.

I need a special pill. 

I wish it were that easy.

I wish I could take a pill to ease me.

It could even be one of those big ole horse pills that are hard to swallow.

You would have to drink like a gallon of water just to swallow this one pill.

But it would work!  The best pill ever made!

Cause maybe there is another person out there that is thinking what I’m thinking.

They can’t seem to shake the “only thinking about me” syndrome.

Maybe they’ve tried everything in their own power to think of anything else,

But when the money is on the wood, all they can think about is themselves.

When the doo doo hits the fan, when the chips are down,

When there is one piece of chicken and no one in the house has eaten,

Ahem…sorry, I was hitting a little too close to home

I just don’t want to think about me all the time.

Even as I am writing this rhyme, I am feeling sorry for ME!

I want to send my ego out on vacation.

Long enough for me to learn how to love and care

For other people’s pain and situations.

So, when Ego comes back, I could be like, “Yo, who are you, dawg?

Don’t think you are gonna walk in here and bring things back to the way they were.

I have a new pattern.  Yea, yea, I’m thinking of other folks first.

I know, crazy right.  You thought it would never happen.

All because of this new pill that I carry around in my man purse.

It’s kinda big and hard to toss down.

But causing pain to all that is around…

Well, that is a bigger pill to swallow.

Come on follow me.  I will tell you where to get it.

And soon Ego will take the pill.

And be the first Ego not to think about himself EVER.

And it would catch on.  And everyone would take the pill.

And next thing you know, not only am I happier, but everyone is happier.

And the pill would be free cause of free healthcare.

Criminals would stop doing crime, cause it’s not about them anymore.

Politicians would stop lying, cause it’s not about winning.

See I’m already not thinking about me!

I’m thinking about the world.

Tell me somebody.  Where can I get this pill?

I wish it were that easy.

-Poetri