So, things are back to normal.  I am not sure what happenned those days when my journal qaudrupled and (how do you say ten times) the normal amount.  Maybe everyone was interested in good old Poetri for those couple days.  Maybe I can be like my good friend Georgia ME in Atlanta and have my own day.  YES, can you believe it.  They gave her GEORGIA ME day.  That is crazy.  I LOVE IT!!!  SHe had a good week.  She also nailed a role in the upcoming Tyler Perry movie.  I could not be more happier for her.  Matter of fact, I need to call her. 

Oh, ahem...what was I blabbing about...oh yea...

I am still breaking records over here...but the other day it was like 3, ooo hits.  I am not sure if that is going to happen today.  It will definitly happen when I become a star on that television show on Disney.  Oh, yes, I am putting it out there.  I am gonna be the star of my own television show.  You didn't know?  Well, now you do.  And after I get that gig, I will do a couple two three movies in the summertime between seasons.  Yea, I will be the new Will Smith.  I will start out doing just comedies, cause you know, I'm just funny like that...and then I will jump to some serious dramas...mixed with some dramadies.  Yea, you don't know nothing about the dramadies.  I will be the king of dramadies.  They will start calling me Poetri Dramady Smith.  I will do a few action-hero type stuff, but not too many where I save the world.  This world is too gone to be saved.  But, I will do a lot where I am the accidental hero.  You know the kind.  I won't be the sexy buff guy who punches everyone like he does it everyday...no, I will be the normal guy that happens to get into a situation that is beyond his control and he has to get out of it.  And by doing that...he becomes a hero and saves a bunch a people and cacthes the bad guy.  As you can see, I got it all planned out.  I am about to get my career rolling.  I am about to get my own day.  Matter of fact, I am gonna give myself my own day.  Does that count?  I now proclaim...TODAY...POETRI DAY!!!  Yay!

So, when I do all of this...my journal will jump from about ten thousand hits to about a million hits a month.   It will just be the norm.

GOD is good.  I have had a trying week.  But two things have changed it around so far.  Monday night Spoken Word Ministry was off the chains.  And Da' Poetry Lounge was great.  Man, if the world were a stage, I would be the most comfortable man on earth.  I feel so at ease when I am on the stage.  There are no worries, no pain, no hurt, no depression, no hunger...just me, a mic and people laughing.  I was put on this earth to entertain.  I love making you smile.  I wish in my world, we constantly lived on stage.  I kinda do...but you know what I mean.  I wish I felt at ease at every instance of my life.   

Alright, people...feeeeeeeeel free to hit this journal up.  I know, I know you were waiting for a new installment.  I should hit 45,000 today.  HAHA.  Yea, right.  But, soon...after the television show and the movies.  Lemme stop.  I don't really care how many people look at my journal.  Probably the less the better.  The more people that log on, the faker I get.  And this journal was started to keep my sanity.  I had to write it out.  So, if you are reading this, that is cool, and if you are not, well...then that is cool, too.  I am trying to save my life.

But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.

Keep it Natural.

 Ummm, what the hec is going on?  I was playing a game in my SPOKEN WORD MINISTRY Class and I told them a lie that my website journal was getting in 20,000 hits a month.  The game is to try to figure out if I am lying or not.  Of course, I was.  It is only getting about 8-10,000 hits  a month.  And that still is a lot considering that I am just spilling my thoughts onto paper.  Why would anyone want to listen to me?  Because I am the bomb that is why!!!  Whew, I almost forgot that I am trying to change my thinking.  I am gonna be more positive about my self.  I just might even stop calling myself fat.  Yea, I know right.  I am not fat...I am just big boned!!!

Anyhoo, I just re-heard a sermon my pastor talked about a few months back.  I have to hear it again to fully comment on it, cause I was running in and out of the car, but today or tomorrow when I get a chance to hear it again, I will come back to fully tell you what I mean.  But, what I did grab from the sermon is that how we think determines how we act and perform.  If I am talking bad about myself, I will start feeling bad about myself and then start living bad...not bad...but just not confidently.  I need to talk myself UPPPPP!  Cause I am a child of GOD and HE didn't make any junk.  HE didn't make any mistake or nothing.  I come from a line of royalty.   

But, as always, I am getting off track.  So, I was saying that I told the class that my journal gets twenty thousand hits a month.  I just told them this last week.  Why is the world is my journal on pace to get that much this month? OUT OF NOWHERE!!!  Yesterday alone, my journal got almost 3,000 hits.  I am not sure what is going on...spam or whatever...but someone is reading what I am saying.  Hmmm.  Why?  I don't know.  Oh yea, I do know...cause I am off the hook. 

So, if you are reading this now.  Please mail me a dollar.  Cause then I can make twenty thousand dollars this month.  Thank you.

But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.

Sunday, May 11th, 2008

Dear Ditto,

My second letter to you.  How are you doing?  Have you fully grasped how much we love you, yet?  Probably not.  You won't understand it until you get much older.  But, I know one thing is for sure, you will never be able to say I never told you.  WE LOVE YOU!  And take that love and times it by a million gazillion bonanifana dafillion times and you still won't get to the love that Jesus Christ has for us.  Oh, and I will keep telling you that, too.

Today, your mother and I watched our wedding video.  Wow!  She was so beautiful in her stunning wedding dress.  After you read this, go look at her...you will see what I am talking about.  Cause she is just as beautiful now.  She is a little koo-koo, but nevertheless, an incredible specimen that GOD made.  On this day that I am writing this, we got married almost five years ago.  By the time you read this, ain't no telling how long it will be.  But, I am positive she will be just as fine.  I feel like we kinda renewed our vows tonight.  Your  mother was a catch, if I don't say so myself.  I am not altogether sure why the hec she decided to set her eyes on me.  I bring her down.  She should be standing at the highest mountain and my crazy self brings her down to earth with the rest of the mortals to gaze at.  She stands in the light, while I bring a little darkness to the marriage.  Without me she would shine a whole lot brighter.  Alas, it was GOD's will that brought us together to teach us both a few things.  Maybe when it is all said and done, I would have been able to shine as much as she did. 

You, however, my wonderful, incredible seed...you, my friend, will shine brighter than the brightest stars.  Your gleam will make lighthouses jealous.  Your shine will give a full moon a race for it's money. I know this.  There is no doubt in my mind.   People will try to turn your light down.  Don't let them.  Let it shine, let it shine.  Anyhoo, what was I talking about before...oh yea, the wedding...remind me to let you see the dvd.  Our wedding was the bomb.  And lucky for you that it was, cause it led to you and Genesis.  If we didn't have a good wedding, then you might not even have been here.  HAHAHA.  Just joking.  You were coming no matter what.  It was all in GOD's plan.  And speaking of plan, HE has one for you.  Don't ever get your mind to thinking that HE doesn't.  Don't let the devil convince you that you are worth nothing.   GOD made you different so that you can make a difference.  Study the Bible.  Go to church.  Find out what it is that HE wants you to do for your life.  Cause there is a plan.  You were created for a mission.  The trick is to find out what that mission is. 

It took me until recently to find out mine.  I mean, I thought I knew it, but it was confirmed to me just this year.  I finally completed this book called THE PURPOSE DRIVEN LIFE, ( I am sure it will be around in some form when you start to read and understand what you are reading) and it spelled it out for me pretty easily.  I am on this earth to entertain.  I am here to spit truth through my spoken words and to show the world that a positive Christian brother that loves the LORD can still make you laugh in this evil world.  I am here to teach ways to express yourself through poetry.  Oh, and I am also here to be your daddy and to keep you in line when you fall out of it.  And you will fall out of it.  It is human nature.  Don't get discouraged.  I have fallen many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many times.  Shoot, I just fell today.  But you must not get discouraged.  You must not be afraid to keep moving.  Be strong.  The devil will tempt you with evil thoughts and messages telling you to quit.  But your daddy is telling you to NOT listen.  If you don't listen to me, I am gonna give you a spanking.  No, a whipping!!!  I am telling you to keep moving forward with GOD's plan. 

And I am also telling you that I have to go...Genesis, your sister just threw up all over mommy.  This is the second time she has thrown up today.  I pray that her stomach is okay.  Well, by the time you read this, it will all be better.  Yay.  Remember, we love you.  

But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD. 

OMG!  I remember this poem.   I wrote this when Juren and I were trying so hard to have a baby!  GOD is so good.  I remember thinking WHEN THE HEC ARE WE GONNA HAVE A CHILD.  We tried and we tried and it seemed like ages.  Then we got pregnant and we lost that baby.  It was one of the most devastating things EVER.  And then we prayed and we prayed and tried and we tried again and again and again...and sure enough...on GOD's watch...not mine...GENESIS came about.  And now a new one is about to come about.  Anyhoo, this poem here is one that I wrote when we were waiting and waiting...I am so happy that I happened to fall upon this...it reminds me of all the things that i am waiting on.  It reminds me to be patient and wait on GOD.  Thank you, Jesus.

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I THINK A LOT ABOUT HAVING A CHILD.
by POETRI

I lay up at night thinking what it would feel like to not be able to sleep cause my baby is crying.
I think about how Juren and I would take turns
getting up and how many times would she take my turn cause I was too sleepy or grumpy or just plain not a good enough dad to go tend to my child.

I think about changing my baby’s diapers
when Juren is not around.
I think about all the stinky little dooky
that might get on my hands.
And I think about me worrying that
I didn’t clean it all up and that
my child will remain stinky until Juren comes home.

I think about taking my baby in the stroller and
showing her off to all who want to see him.
I think about picking her up and playing games
With him all day and night until I fall asleep.
I think about missing her when he can’t hang on anymore
and she is forced to close his eyes.

I think about how much I can’t wait until she wakes,

so I can play with him again.

I think a lot about having a baby.
I kinda want one real bad.

I think about how much I would love this child.
And how I might be the greatest dad in the history of dads!
Yes, I would be SUPER DAD!! (sing theme music) And I would sing theme music every time I came into the scene.
I would be every child’s dream,
playing every game that she would want to play.
The trick to being SUPER DAD is I am such a kid myself,
so everything she would want to do,
I would want to do more.
It would be GREAAAAT!!!
Until she becomes a teenager and she doesn’t want
to watch cartoons with her daddy anymore.
Until my theme music is too young for my grown up baby.
I would try to change my theme to some hip-hop cut,
but the plain truth will be SUPER DAD just won’t be cool anymore.
I will turn into like the corniest dad.
Will I lose my best little friend
when he is to old for me to kiss him on the cheek

or play hide and go seek or just
plain run around the house chasing each other...?
Who will I play with then?
How can I still be SUPER DAD when kryptonite comes?

It is funny that I think about all of this.
It is crazy that I think so far in the future
when right now
there is no foreseeable future
cause Juren is not even pregnant.
Yet, I am up here thinking about how will I COPE
when my child gets too old for me to play with.
I think about having a baby a lot of times.
The good and the bad...I just want the experience.

I want to experience life in all of it’s forms.
I want to take care of life and mold
and shape it into something incredible.
I want to teach life and have it live a better way that I did.

I want children like this world wants change.
I want a little son like the sun
wants to rise every morning.
I want a baby girl like the moon
wants to outshine the stars.
I need this to happen like I need water.
I am thirsting for life, Lord.
And I am not debating or questioning your ability to do it,
or the fact that you are gonna do it…I know you are.
When? That is my question. WHEN?!

The internet says that I should wear boxers!!
Like the internet knows everything,
more than you, right Lord?
But it says that my testicles need to breath more.
Something about underwear
and especially the tight underwear
that I wear makes my down there sweat and get all hot.
And that it needs more air to release the good
stuff.
I’m trying to release the good stuff, Lord!
To think that all this time,
I could have been messing up my chances
because I have tight underwear on.

Is it something as small as that? I will wear boxers, then.
I will go to the ROSS and buy up all the boxers
they have in my size.
I will be known as the boxer king.
I will even take up boxing.
I will practice day and night.
to become the best prize fighter
this world has ever seen.
My top prize won’t be a crown or a belt,
no they can keep that!!!
My prize will be a bouncing baby.

And after I win…I will retire from the ring.
Undefeated…
… still holding on to my golden prize.

If I need Boxers then just let me know, Lord.
I can get boxers.
Cause all I want is a child.
I will work hard to be the best daddy that I can be.
Even after I lose my powers when they get older.
I will strive to be the best normal dad in the universe.
I think about having a baby all the time.
I lay up at night thinking
when will you bless us with
the greatest prize I could win…
Life.

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I HAVE GOT TO EAT RIGHT!!!  I have been eating left for too long in my life.  I have got to eat healthy.  Not only because my stomach is petruficating...oh sorry, that is my wife's word.  She makes up words all the time.  In this case the word means "getting big".  But it has several meanings depending on what we need it to mean at that particular time.  But, like I was saying, not because my stomach is getting bigger and bigger like I am pregnegro, but because of health issues.  I am not a young buck anymore.  I know my baby face and energetic smile makes me look like I am 21, but I am not.  I mean, I am 25 now.  HAHA...yea, right.  The point is, I am older and taking care of myself should be of the utmost importance to me.

But, how the hec do I do that?  I mean, I know how to do that, but HOW DO I DO THAT??  I can get on a pretty good regime and stick with it for like two weeks, and then it all falls apart.  I don't believe in diets, cause they fall apart for me in less than two weeks.  I need a life style change.  I need to rearrange my eating habits and thinking.  And I have done that to an extent.  I mean, I am totally better than I was a year ago, but now I hooked on to other bad habits that need to stop.  Like picking my nose in public...oops, that has nothing to do with my eating...sorry.

I hate donuts.  I mean, I LOVE donuts, but I hate eating them.  I mean, I love eating them, but I hate that they are bad for me.  Yea, that is it.  Why can't they be good for me?  I feel like I have dealt with the French Fry problem.  Every blue moon, I may grab some fries, ( in comparison to me eating them every single day, like I used to) but now I mostly gravitate to RED POTATOES.  I love me some RED POETATOES.  Wow!  But, donuts...I need a replacement for them.  I sometimes have this energy/protein bar that is really good for you and taste really good.  I know, crazy, right?  But it is true.  And it is not like those regular protein thingys that have more sugar in it than a Reese's (ohhh, a Reese's).  This mug is the real deal.  And when I get on a kick, I can substitute.  But then all it takes is one time for me to fall off the wagon and I am back to glazed twists and buttermilk donuts.  Lord, help a brother out!!!

I went out for a movie last week for the Wayan's Brothers, which I probably did not get, cause I haven't heard from them.  Ughhh.  But, I went out for this role of a guy named "SWEETS".  He was a gangsta, but he couldn't put down the sweets.  THAT IS ME!   I love sweets and I am gangsta to the fullest.  Did you see me shoot that guy the other day?  I'm hard!!!  I smoke weed, at least twice a day and I drink Rum and Coke.  Okay, I need a harder drink.  Do people still drink Corvasce?  ( I don't know how to spell it.)  I seems like there is a new drink every year.  Why am I hearing so much about Petrone?  Whatever, that is what I drink...some good old fashioned hard Petrone!!!  Yea, I am hard.    

But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.

What's up, people?

What kind of mood am I in today?  Hmmm, I guess if I have to think about it, then I must be in an OKAY mood.  Cause when I am extremely down, I don't have to think about it, and when I am extremely happy, I don't have to think about it.  There are not too many times when I am just OKAY!  I think OKAY might be dangerous for me.  I think that it is easier to drop into depression more from OKAY!  Unless, of course, I get some happy news that can slip me into joyous.  Yea, that is what I am gonna be today.  Not happy, but joyous.

You know there is a difference?  I am happy all the time.  But there are fewer times when I am just plain JOYOUS.  People get happy when good things happen to them.  Good things make people happy.  Joyous is like the spirit all over you and you are smiling and happy for no particular reason.  Not because you got that promotion, not because you saw a good movie...but just because.  That is what I strive to be...JOYOUS. 

But on my way to joyous, I can stop by happiness and still receive some good news.  Like maybe some info on the three major auditions I went on in the past few days.  I mean, come on...give a brother a break.  I got the skillz.  How many times do I need to keep telling myself that?  Do I really?  I mean, you can't see how dope I am by looking at the stupid audition reel?  Did you see House of Payne?  I rocked that cazbar.  I got the talent.  I can do it, people.  Pick me.  Pick me.  

I feel like the little kid on the playground that is the last one picked.  Even though that never happened to me in school, cause I went to an all white elementary school, so the kids always picked me in the top five of pickings cause they felt my blackness could help them.  I wasn't too athletically inclined, so I am not sure how many times, I actually helped.  We had this one black kid that was older than me that was the bomb.  He was a real black kid.  I am talking in terms of speed and athletic ability.  He was the star on the football, basketball and baseball team.  He always got picked first.  I admired him.  Now, I think he is on drugs somewhere back home.  He ran so fast that he ran into a crack house and never came back.

Anyhoo, back to me.  I am selfish like that.  Back to me and my acting skillz.  I may not be able to run fast, but I can act fast if you need me to.  I can do a scene in 3.5 seconds.  I can jump from one topic to another and I will slam dunk a word if need be.  Pick me.  Pick me.   

As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.

KEEP it Natural. 

People think I am successful.  HAHA.  That is so funny to me.  I appreciate the notion, but I think I am far from it.  Yea, I am on TV once a blue moon, but that doesn't make me successful.  I sit down and watch the fricken LAKER game and see Jack Nicholson and Denzel and Diane Keaton and fricken Robert Downey Jr, sitting court side and I think...THAT IS SUCCESSFUL.  Even by those standards, I could be more.  I mean, by those standards, wait til GOD places me on that television show as a regular cast member.  See me every week.  Or wait tilL GOD calls me to be the star of that movie and the next movie and then the next one...yea...by those standards...that is what I call successful.  I haven't made that, yet.

But, truthfully, there is another standard that I am itching to be successful in.  I am far from that one, too.  Every time I think I get a little closer to it, I fall down by waysides.  I stumble in the middle of the thick of it and slide all the way back down to unsuccess.  I want to be successful in my Christian walk.  Where did I read, probably the Bible, that success is not graded by prosperity.  Thank goodness, cause if it were, I still would be in the loss column.  I am far from prosperous.  Dang, now I think about it...I am not successful on any level.  By the world standards or by GOD standards.  Ahhh, now I am depressed.  

Only one matters, but, since life is going on, can I at least be successful in it, while I am striving for success in the other.  Cause the other kind of success is looking like it might take me a lifetime.  I am already behind by about a thousand points.  It is almost halftime and I need to cut it down to at least 500 , so I could have a shot for the victory before my final buzzard sounds. 

Dear Father,

who art in heaven, hallow be thy name.  Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven.  Give us this day, our daily bread, forgive us of our sins as we forgive those who sinned against us.  Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil, for thine is the kingdom, the glory, the power, forever and ever and ever...

please Father allow me to be strong and of great courage like Joshua.  Please allow me to lead myself into the land of flowing with wisdom and understanding.  So, that I can turn around and lead my family back there.  Allow, me to let go and let you take over my life and let the chips fall as they may.  Allow me to trust those chips.  Allow me to use those chips once they have fallen.  Allow me not to worry if those chips are gonna produce enough other chips to feed my family, help my career, just plain pay the bills.  Lord, you know I need to pay the bills!  Please allow me to circulate enough of the GOD-given talent that you have instilled in me to be the person that you made me to be.  Allow me to understand that just because you gave me special gifts, I am not suppossed to lay around and WAIT for something to happen.  I am still suppossed to work at it...pain, struggle and heartache those gifts until they produce the seeds of success that grow inside of me.  Allow me to be successful, LORD, internally and eternally.  Get my mind right, LORD...get my mind right!

These and all other blessings, I ask in your wonderful and incredible name...Jesus name...AMEN.

But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD. 

Keep it natural.      

May 3rd, 2008

Dear Ditto,

Just like Genesis, your sister, Ditto will be your name until we figure out if you are a boy or girl.  Right now you are only about the size of two grains of rice, so we have a minute before we can find out what you are.  I already know that you are beautiful.  Anyone that comes from your mother and me has got to be.  Really just your mother.  If you are anything like your sister, you won't let us know until you pop out.  She was stubborn like that.  She hid her identity from us until the very end.  It was crazy, but very exciting.

Anyhoo, lemme introduce myself.  I am your daddy.  By the time you read this, I would like to think that you would know that.  Your mother is that beautiul young lady that you look up to.  The woman who gave birth to you.  And last but cedertainly not least, Genesis, that little girl that is always kissing you, is your sister.  We all adore you.  We are a kissing family.  There are more of us...like your aunts, cousins, grandma and grandpa and stuff like that.  But more about them in future letters.  Like I said you are only the size of rice right now, but we love you the size of a thousand dinosaurs.  And I pray that these letters express that when you think we don't.  There is nothing that you can do in all of the days of your life that can make our love die.  You are stuck with it like your skin.

In this household, we believe in our Lord, Jesus Christ.  He died on the cross for you, me, Genesis and all of mankind.  He is GOD's son.  I know, I know, this might all be confusing to you right now.  But, as the years grow you will understand where our heart lies.  You will understand why we try to treat everyone equally.  You will get why we try to bend backwards to help as many people as we can.  You will see why we may not know what the future holds, but we remain confident cause we know who holds the future.  And since we know that, than life is all good.  Cause GOD (the one who holds the future) is all good.  HE will protect us.  And give us all the tools to protect you.  Yay. 

Well, I might be giving you too much to grasp in your first letter.  By the time you read this, however, you probably would have been told this a million times.  I have to go.  Your sister is hungry and so is your mother.  Chances are, you in your mommy's stomach, are hungry, too.  Matter of fact, so am I.  Let's eat!!!

But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.

Keep it Natural.