I have always heard about the terrible twos.  I wasn't so sure if I believed that the child was any worse at that age than he/she was at any other age, but yes, I had definitely heard all the facts, lies, jokes and everything else about the TERRIBLE TWOS! 

Well, OMG!  Now, I am living with a child that has it.  It is like a disease or something.  What happened to my lovely princess?  She has been afflicted with this affliction.  And it only results me being afflicted with another affliction called "WHAT THE?!?!!?" Is there a cure?  People are telling me that the only cure for the terrible twos is the treacherous threes.  Well, I can't wait to the fantastic fours and fives.  Glory be the day for the sensational sixes and sevens.  Hallelujah for the enlightened eights or the nice nines.  Cause right now...I see why parents beat their children.  HAHA.  Just joking.  Well...not really...but sorta.  I just don't want the police beating down my door tomorrow morning at 8 in the morning.  Please don't wake her up any earlier than she already gets up.  She will be cranky all day. 

And the funny thing, she appears to have moment of terrific twos.  Seconds of shining light that beams from her smile and holds my attention with force.  But then, when that second is up, I am calling her name thirty seven times to put an object down that she shouldn't be holding or to get down from the couch or to NOT eat that morsel of corn that she found on the ground...Genesis come here.  Genesis...NOOOOO!  IS it alright to cuss at her with a name like Genesis?  No, huh?  I can't really see myself saying...GENESIS, PUT THAT SH*%T down.  HAHAHAHA.  Now that would be funny.

Anyhoo, say a prayer and a prayer for all young handsome parents to keep the peace with their children at this age.  Please help us not to commit any crimes that we would regret later.  Please give us strength to wake up and be a positive, wonderful, loving parents.  And please forgive us for the few moments when we are not.  AAAAAAMMMMAN!!!  

But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.

Keep it Natural.

GOD is so good.  ALL THE TIME and ALL THE TIME GOD is good.  And the thing about it is...HE doesn't have to be.  Think about it.  GOD is GOD.  He doesn't have to be Almighty great and GOOD.  He can just be Almighty.  HE can clearly wipe me from this earth and have good enough reason to do so.  HE has given me so many chances and I have failed so many times...HE could just end my life right now and say "YOU KNOW WHAT?  I TRIED TO HELP THIS BROTHER.   BUT HE KEEPS DOING WRONG!  I AM GONNA HAVE TO WIPE HIM FROM THIS EARTH!!!"  But, yet, and still HE gives me a pass and blesses me time and time again.  Thank you, Jesus.  Even when I complain and dog you and question what the hec you are doing with my life...you still have my back.  You're probably laughing at me hysterically sometimes.  THIS IDIOT.  DOESN'T HE KNOW THAT ALL THINGS I DO I DO FOR GOOD FOR THE GLORY? CAN'T HE JUST BE PAITIENT AND JUST ALLOW ME TO WORK MIRACLES IN HIS LIFE??? Halleluyah.

The thing is...it iS so easy to do wrong.  It is so easy to think wrong, act wrong, be wrong.  It really is.  It is easier to live unholy rather than to live HOLY.  Fighting temptation is like fighting Mike Tyson and Muhammad Ali with one arm tied behind my back.  Fighting temptation is like fighting sleep for seven days.  Fighting temptation is like fighting a lion in a cage and you are on crutches.  Fighting temptation is like trying to go back in time.  Fighting temptation is like arguing with your college professor on why you think 4+4 should NOT equal 8.  Fighting temptation is like fighting with the one you love on an argument that you know that you're right on.  You can't win that fight, even though you KNOW you are right!!!  Fighting temptation is like fighting the urge to dance when a Micheal Jackson song comes on (at least for me that is a problem).  Fighting temptation is like wrestling an alligator in a pool.  It is hard.  And in some fricken cases, I would venture out to say DANG near impossible.  It is not, but it feels like it is.  And if it ain't...it should be. 

But, like the saying that I have in my phone...temptation is an opportunity to do good.  The problem with that is...it is also an opportunity to do bad and LORD knows, I have done bad all too many times.  And if I think about it...I wonder have I taken this opportunity and done more bad than good...hmm...I don't know.  Ughh.  I am afraid to think about it.  I could really be a bad person.  You know, there was a time, where I really thought that I might have been an evil person.  I just could not resist ANY kind of temptation from any kind of sorts.  It was crazy.  If temptation wanted an easy victim...they came over to my house.  I really started to think that I had the devil in me or that I was just inherently evil.  I don't think that now...but geesh, that wasn't too long ago.  

Anyhoo, I think I want to cover that in my next SPOKEN WORD MINISTRY CLASS.  The next class starts the first MONDAY in July and I want TEMPTATION to be the subject.  So, join us...if you think you can hang.  It is an awesome class...and I don't even say the word awesome.  We laugh, talk, play games, share our faith and just really have a great time fellowshipping.  And if that is not a word than FORGET YOU!  If any of you know me, I can't do things that are boring.  That is a good thing, but also a bad thing.  I am gonna be at my funeral and wake up from the dead if you aren't laughing and having a good time.  I want the world to be merry.  So, I say that to say, that if you come to the class, don't expect a normal BIBLE STUDY...oh yes, we talk about the LORD, but we also laugh, eat, play games, laugh some more, write poetry, read poetry and just plain have a good old time.   So, if you wnt to sign up, go to www.poetriworkshop.com and sign up NOW!  Hey, that sounds liek an infomercial.  Oh, yea, the class is freeeeeeeeeee.   

Okay, whew!  I didn't mean to go that long on my SPOKEN WORD MINISTRY class.  How did I get on the subject?  Oh, yea, temptation.  How hard it is to fight that mug.  I need a booklet.  Maybe in class, folks can give me a couple of pointers...i am sure no one has a harder time than me...hahahaha.  We will see.

But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.   

Keep it Natural.

This Sunday, Spoken Funk is giving away tickets to see fireworks on 4th of July at the Hollywood Bowl.  Have a ball on the 4th of July with America's favorite pastime! The Dodgers celebrate their 50th Anniversary in Los Angeles for this great American extravaganza with very special guest Randy Newman hitting it outta the park. Enjoy classic baseball music, visuals, plus appearances by Dodger greats and the Bowl's dazzling fireworks spectacular!  All this for FREE @ Spoken Funk!     This Sunday FREE B4 8:00 PM When You Say... "FUNK & FIREWORKS"     POETRY . COMEDY . MUSIC . FOOD   Let the show begin...! -Click Pictures For Video Preview-    SHANG - BESSKEPP - JAMES DAVIS - AARON          BY POPULAR DEMAND SOME OF SPOKEN FUNK'S HIGHLY REQUESTED!  This is NOT the show to miss.  A night full of non-stop fun!!!  Under one roof, 2 HILARIOUS comedians, plus 2 AMAZING poets.      WARNING: The HOTTEST show ever to hit Hollywood.  Come experience THE FUNK!         WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT THE FUNK!

FOOD IS LIKE A WOMAN

By Poetri.

 

Food is like a beautiful woman.  And I am 21 and single.

How can I resist?

I just got home from my speed dating class,

The one that teaches how to choose a right girl in ten seconds or less.

And yes, I am lonely…cause the class sucks.

I head out to get coffee at the local BAR BUCKS cause I can’t afford Starbucks.

And there she is…sitting alone…

waiting to get picked up by a man that will love her.

 

Food is like a woman to me.  And I am 21 and single. 

As I walk towards her, I smell her sweet perfume of chicken and fries.

She has mouth watering eyes; her skin is tan and fried golden brown.

Her face is salted with pain. 

She tells me her tale of being alone and how she wished

that someone could afford to take her home.

I reach in my pocket to see how much change I own.

I would do anything for her.  She is so organic and natural.

It appears that I have enough for this feast of love,

her two legs, two thighs, and two breasts are mine to take home

Her life has been seasoned with spices of truths and lies.

You can tell she doesn’t hang out with small fries.

She’s a catch is all I am saying and she wants to me to savor her flavor. 

Afraid for anyone to see how this beautiful piece of meat ended up with me,

I bag her up, and take her to my car.

 

Food is like an intelligent woman and I am 21, single and lonely.

Confused on what a real woman likes, never really had one spend the night,

let alone be my girl and be seen with me in plain day light.

I guess you can say that I have never been the playa playa type.

We reach my apartment and when we step in,

She has managed to step out of the bag and standing in front of me

wearing nothing but her emotions.  They seem attached to me.

Her pain is now my pain, and all I want to do is make it better.

How can we make each other happy?

I pick her up and place her on the kitchen counter as I hover over her

I ask again, how am I to resist

A treat such as this and I am 21, single and oh so hungry for love.

I am all too ready to devour her with kisses and bites.

But something is not right.  Not on the kitchen counter.

 

We head over to the dining room table.

Food is like an attractive woman to me and I am 21 and single.

I set the mood right with candles and soft music,

Forks, spoons and napkins, just in case it gets a little messy.

I lift her leg closer to me and gently bite.

And then decide to finish the night with her in bed watching Dateline.

 

After we’re finished and completely satisfied, I fall asleep with a smile on my face.

Food is like a beautiful, sexy woman and I am 21, naive, and single.

I wake up the next morning in complete love, turn over...

only to find out that she is gone.  She left me.  She left me.

Food is a hoe.  She only wanted me for one night until the next time

that she wants me for one night. 

Meanwhile, I have a full stomach and a basketful of emotions

that she left behind when we slept together.  What am I to do? 

How do I resist her when she comes knocking at my door

smelling like Ham and Turkey tomorrow night? 

How do I slam it in her face and remain celibate from her lust? 

How do I stop eating when I am hungry?

Will I be fighting these demons all my life? 

Will I ever break?  Will I ever have peace? 

Will she ever stop knocking at my door?  Will I ever stop letting her in?

Food is a woman, and I am forever 21, forever stupid, forever young,

Forever getting fooled by the same tricks

looking for a taste of her love whenever she comes over.

Dear Self,

Why are you so retarded?  That is a rhetorical question, so don't try to answer it.  You are writing letters to your unborn child, but have not grown up yourself.  Stop moping around like you don't have any sense and get up and do something positive with your life.  Stop messing around with childish things.  Like your homie said...it is time to man up.  It is me deciding to write a letter to me about the stupid way that me acts.  YOU KNOW BETTER!  You know right from wrong.  You know that you are selfish.  Stop it. 

I know things are new for you right now.  NEWLY weird.  Things are different for you, now.  Matter of fact, things are different to you more so than than the average man.  You are fighting some obstacles.  But everyone has obstacles.  I know that you don't know what to do with yourself.  I know that you are not sure what the future holds for your sanity.  But, I do know that you know exactly WHO holds the future.  So, stop acting like you aren't a descendant from royalty.  You are a KING and you are acting like a peasant.  You are acting like the LORD doesn't have your back.  And if GOD be for us, who in the world can be against us?  NOT a single solitary thing can stand against the LORD.  So, stop walking around confused and not sure of this and that.  Be a man...for a doggone change.  Take a stance on SOMETHING.  Be sure about what GOD has spoken to you about the problems and the pains in your life.  Be confident.  

You couldn't write another letter to your child, until you wrote one to yourself.  Now read this mug everyday until it slaps some sense in you.  GOD didn't make no mess, so stop acting like one.  GOD doesn't make mistakes...so stop acting like your life is one.  Like it is an accident that things are the way they are with you...oh, lemme let GOD know that I am not suppossed to be in this predicament.  My life is suppossed to be cheery and happy and joyous alllllllllllllllll the time.  Yea, right.  Trials will come, dawg.  Expect them like you expect the wind to blow or the sun to rise.  If you woke up and the sun didn't rise, you would be hecka surprised, right?  Welll, guess what that ain't ever gonna happen.  THE SUN WILL RISE...just like problems will rise in your life.  DEAL WITH IT!!  HE gives you the tools to overcome...no matter what the situation is.  Yea, you may be in a different type of thang, but nothing is different from GOD...deal with it.  Dear, stupid, crazy, retarded self...DEAL WITH IT!!!

But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.

Keep it Natural.   

Please someone confirm to me that it is as hot there as it is here.  I mean, this is starting to get crazy.  We have the air conditioner fixed and it still seems to be overbearing-ly hot.  My wife is hotter than me.  She is pregnegro and you know how easy pregnegro people get hot.  Whew.  I am fat.  And you know how easy fat people get hot.

Speaking of not eating the right foods and having a daily struggle of fighting off temptation to eat right and stay healthy for my daughter and and soon to be other child, WHAT IS GOING ON?  Food is like a woman to me.  And I am 21 and single.  She comes up to me in the park wearing nothing bu her emotions.  They seem to be attached to me.  She looks sad and lonely.  She asks me for a hug.  How am I suppossed to turn down a beautiful woman wearing nothing but her emotions?  And I am 21 and single. 

So, I get into bed once again with food.  And we grub all night.  I wake up in complete love, turn over...only to find out that she is gone.  She left me.  Food is a hoe.  She only wanted me for one night until the next time that she wants me for one night.  Meanwhile, I have a full stomach and a basketful of emotions that she left when we slept together.  What am I to do?  How do I resist her when she comes knocking at my door smelling like chicken and fries?  How do I slam it in her face and remain celibate from her lust?  How do I stop eating when I am hungry?  Or how can I at least, eat healthy when I am hungry.  Will I be fighting these demons all my life?  Will I ever break?  Will I ever have peace?  Will this war EVER be over and do I have a chance on this earth to EVER win?

Geesh, food is a poem that never ends.  I am always struggling with it.  Anyhoo, today is SUNDAY, so I am bound to get renewed strength at church today.  I am excited.  I am eager to hear what words the LORD has for me.  I know he has something.  I am so glad that I remembered this one thing that PASTOR Chuck said....hmmm. I think it was Pastor Chuck.  He said...when you go to church you should EXPECT to hear something designed especially for you.  GOD is talking to you and HE specifically had you come to church service this SUNDAY to hear what HE has to say to YOU.  Hmmm, did that make sense?  Not a group thing...but YOU.  You should be attentive and eager to hear the WORD of GOD every single SUNDAY.  And I am not saying it quite right, but ever since I heard that.  I am prepared to hear what good news GOD is ready to share with me.  Little old me.  Devin Farand Smith. 

That being said, I shall bounce.  I must get dressed.  Juren's grandmother is coming to church with me.  I do not want to be late.  For GOD has a word for her, too.  I can mess up my own life, but  I don't wnat to mess up others.  Have a blessed week.

But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.

Keep it Natural.

My blog today is a poem by someone else that I read and really enjoyed.  There is not too many times when I repost other people's poems.  Cause, of course, I think that mine and only mine are worthy of that di-stink-sion.  But, every blue moon, I see something that really touches me.  And today I was moved by this poem.  Maybe because it was good...maybe cause I am going through some mental stuff (I am always going through some mental stuff.  I think I am mental, for real)...maybe both...whatever the reason...here it goes. 

Trust God

When your path is dark and overcast and thing are looking bleak.
When you’ve stood steadfast, but now feel weak.
All you can really do is, trust God.

Hey, I know your situation look uncertain and I can see that you are hurting.
You’ve done everything in you power and it seems that nothing is working.
All you can really do is trust God.

The troubles of life are troubling you.
So many decisions to be made; and don’t have a clue, turn left turn right what do you do?
All you can really do is trust God.

Don’t know up from down; my life seems upside down; trials and obstacles all around.
Satan that low down dirty snake is hunting you down, on you trail like a hound.
All you can really do is trust God.

Oppressed, stressed, feeling lest than blessed. Feeling all alone, abandon and forsaken.
The way you’re feeling right now, don’t think you can make it.
All you can really do is trust God.

Overwhelmed over burden? God knows how much you can bear.
I know the wicked seem to keep prospering; you may say that’s not fear.
All you can really do is trust God.

When hardships overtake you like the rushing waters from a broken dam.
And it seems that no refused can be found.
All you can really do is trust God.

By: Anthony Morris
a.k.a. DAMINISTER
Inspired by God.

...OF THE TROPHY! We know the pain that all you TRUE Laker fans are going through...The constant ridicule from your 'Laker Hater' comrads, the stares you get walking down the street, & the burning of the team flags from the rival city.  Well come get a break.  Come get some support from your fellow Laker buddies.  We're not talking about Fake Lakers (FLAKERS) Fan.  The ones that show support only during the good times.  This Sunday FREE B4 8:00 PM When You Say... "I AM NOT A FLAKER"     POETRY . COMEDY . MUSIC . FOOD   Let the show begin...! -Click Pictures For Video Preview-    RON G - BRUTHA GIMEL - PAUL MABON- R.T.          BY POPULAR DEMAND SOME OF SPOKEN FUNK'S HIGHLY REQUESTED!  This is NOT the show to miss.  A night full of non-stop fun!!!  Under one roof, 2 HILARIOUS comedians, plus 2 AMAZING poets.      WARNING: The HOTTEST show ever to hit Hollywood.  Hand-held fans strongly suggested.         WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT THE FUNK!

It is too hot to do anything.  It is 98 degrees outside and inside it is 1018 degrees.  And don't think I just typed those numbers in.  It really is that hot inside my house.  My house has been called a war zone by the government.  We are fighting the heat here.  And we are losing.  I have fellow comrades passing out.  Our bullets fly out and fall flat to the ground.  We are no match for the heat. 

But today, the team got good news.  Our commander and chief, GOD, has sent in re-enforcement.  We have a very special task force designed especially for this type of thing.  They are called "The people that fix the air conditioner".  I love them.  They have been here before...they were at our last war, as a matter of fact.  They shall arrive anytime between 12 and 5.  I told them I need them here between now and now because we were losing men...but they said they could only make it between 12 and 5.  Ughh.  We will have to hold on until then. 

Lord, help us.

Dear Ditto,

Ahh, my dear, sweet Ditto. I will start this letter now, but I am not sure when I will be done with it. A lot of things are going on here at the house on this hot, sunny day. As a rule, where we live it is super duper hot in the summertime. No, you don’t understand, I am talking super duper, willy mammoth HOT. And to top things off, our air conditioner stopped working last week. It tends to do that when it works overtime. So, if you think that it is hot in mommy’s belly, at least you got a little GOD built air conditioning system going on. Needless to say, with the extra weight that I have hanging around my body, I am hotter than a rotisserie oven. And your mom…well…your mom is always hot on a normal basis. She exudes hotness. She defines hot. You will see. Just look up the word “hot” in the dictionary and you will see a picture of your mother. If you look closely, you might see me in the background. I am hardly noticed. I made it in the picture because your mom is so hot, that a little hotness rubbed off on me by association.

I say that to say, that doggonnit…you must be hot, too. I mean, I am close to your mother, but I have never been a part of her. I have never been attached to her with umbilical cords and blood and guts and stuff. Matter of fact, I see the dictionary picture changing already. What is going on? I see my picture being faded out and yours and Genesis is becoming more and more clearer. Wow. You guys are just as hot as mom. Where am I? Ahhh, there I am. I knew that I, at least, still had to be in the picture. Without me, you wouldn’t even be here. See that little dot on the right hand corner. Yea, that is me…still hot…by association. Whew!

We have been thinking of names since the day we found out you were coming. And I think we finally have everything geared and ready to go. We finally have a guy and a girl’s name. So, the choice is yours…what do you want to be called? If you knew the drama we have been going through to get the name thing figured out, you would pity us. We have gone around the world searching. Something not too ghetto, but yet a hint of ghettoness to prove your blackness. Something, so unique, but not unique enough to outshine the beautiful person that you are. You know some parents wait until after the child is born before they slap a name on it. They want to get to know child. They want to have a name according to how the child makes them feel. They want to try the product out first. Maybe if they don’t like the child, they will take the child back…after all; it hasn’t been named, yet. You have a couple cousins that are 30 and just got named yesterday. But, not us. We know you. Your mother feels you inside of her. I have grown accustomed to having these conversations with you through my letters. I see and hear you laughing. I see you playing with Genesis. She loves kissing mommy’s belly. Yea, we don’t have to wait. We have your name. We have your world, we have your life. We are your parents. We have your love. And you have ours.

Until next time…see you later.

But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.